“Despite these statistics, the Biden Administration continues its reluctance to pursue a permanent ceasefire, instead insisting on additional military aid to Israel.”
-The word instead is usually used to set off things that are different or in opposition to each other. But, in this case, the Biden administration’s reluctance to pursue a permanent ceasefire and its insistence on additional military aid to Israel are both things that will continue to delay peace. So, it might read a little funny.
-SUGGESTED EDIT (*I don’t think administration needs to be capitalized.): Despite these statistics, the Biden administration insists on sending additional military aid to Israel, instead of pursuing a permanent ceasefire.
“Moreover, Josh’s ‘bilateral ceasefire’ press release inadequately addresses the urgent demands from the people of Gaza, placing the onus for ceasefire conditions on the people of Gaza, who have been displaced by Israel’s attacks and are barely trying to survive.”
-I’m not sure about this phrasing: barely trying to survive. It’s not their efforts to survive that are bare or in short supply, it’s that they’ve been deprived the means for survival.
-SUGGESTED EDIT: Moreover, Josh’s “bilateral ceasefire” press release inadequately addresses the urgent demands from the people of Gaza, placing the onus for ceasefire conditions on a population that has been violently uprooted by Israel’s attacks, and as a result, can scarcely meet their most basic needs.
“Hold the Biden administration accountable for its unilateral support of Israel, including advocating for the refunding of UNRWA.”
-If some of these candidates or their consultants or staffers are not keeping up with the news, they may misinterpret this sentence to mean that the Biden Administration has advocated for refunding UNRWA and that we think it should be held accountable for it. To avoid any possible confusion, it may be best to separate these points.
-SUGGESTED EDIT:
-Hold the Biden administration accountable for its unilateral support of Israel
-Advocate for the refunding of UNRWA
“Advocate for Rep. Tlaib’s Ceasefire Now resolution.”
-It was submitted by Cori Bush, no? Or is there a concern attaching her name to the resolution given her recent troubles?
-SUGGESTED EDIT: Advocate for Rep. Bush’s Ceasefire Now resolution.
“We ask for your decision by the specified deadline. Your response, or lack thereof, will guide our next steps and influence how we present your stance to the community.”
-If this is the route you want to go, then leave no doubt in their mind how their silence will be interpreted.
-SUGGESTED EDIT: We ask for your decision by the specified deadline. The absence of a response, or one that fails to reject Josh Harder’s endorsement, will be taken as your campaign’s alignment with his foreign policy positions on Israel/Palestine.
